Entry No. 65

The Darkest Sunlight

My home is quiet but for the clicking of keys and occasional clink of my teacup returning to rest on my nightstand. Again, I begin typing, dragging my thoughts back to reality caveman-style, having gently sipped the deep, dark brew of other lands, which I happen to prefer hot – hot like the center of the sun.

Screen Shot 2016-07-19 at 8.51.04 AMAnd this, this is where writing stories is so bittersweet. I expect few to understand. Journeying the deep of an imagination so vivid it’s nearly tangible, then having to leave, come back and write it all down and…. You see, this is why the tea always, always must be hot.

People wonder why writers are often such reclusive creatures. It’s usually on purpose – so we don’t frighten the few who innocently, or bravely, dare try us on a day-to-day basis, away. Not many can relish for long, the intensity of a mind that involuntarily sees a story come alive in anything its gaze happens upon.  Nor once we’ve sailed that vast ocean and truly seen it, grasp the agony of holding an untold story inside of us.

And what, pray-tell with the conversations writers hold daily with people who do not exist, in a time to come from what never was… No, no we don’t talk to ourselves. Rather, we converse regularly with the people we’ve created from nothing. It’s a wonder we’re sane.

And so the tea is searing hot, to remind the senses of what is real between pages, so a reader can someday take a journey and for a moment, forget altogether. Because really, any story that leaves one feeling anything less than an urge to crawl inside a book’s pages and live there, forever, was never a story at all.

Ever stop and wonder how they do it, that thing? Where you find bits of yourself woven in a tale, as if mistakenly left there, by an author you’ve never met?  People don’t realize, but that’s what they’re really saying you know, when they mention a book they “simply cannot put down.” What they mean to convey is, “I’ve read untold parts of my soul.”

Screen Shot 2016-07-19 at 8.49.15 AMFancy often, the inner workings of a writer’s mind; how they navigate that beautifully bright, yet morbid and twisted labyrinth so you can see heaven, taste earth and smell hell all in a chapter from your living room? It’s truly the darkest sunlight.

Pondered much the goings-on, the internal habits of those peculiar ones who smile, say little, are caught studying you; then plunk words on paper in such a way to either make your nerves curl, spirit soar or heart shatter from shock barely a moment later?  Perchance, it’s best left a mystery, a gift for the ones who always question if we’re writing about them and should perhaps behave better.

Alas, I beg you ponder, next instant a writer leaves you breathless, wanting more, you know “it’s two in the morning…just one more chapter.” Consider perhaps we too, didn’t want to come back but did anyway, just for you. Hence we write, to taste life twice. To relive, add a pulse and shock to breathing, the things we see in untold places for the waning imagination of many.

It’s there we’ll hide, in the tangible shadow of the shining story, created from the realest nothing ever known. Then slip away unnoticed but for an occasional curious glance beyond its pages. And just what telling it all was really like, we rarely share with so very few…  Time to sip the tea again.

#writing #oceaninaraindrop #thedarkestsunlight

Entry No. 64

Screen Shot 2016-07-18 at 9.05.10 AM

Stuck in traffic and caught a glimpse of this steeple on the hill. All the cars lined up, passing by. Saw this in my rear-view and couldn’t help but think they should be lined up at our churches, looking for Jesus like this.

Supposedly hindsight’s 20/20…

What are we missing?

#whowillreachthem #traffic #jesus

Entry No. 63

A Little Bit of Sunshine…

FullSizeRender-1It’s been over two years since I’ve sewn clothes for myself. There’s all sorts of reasons why, but what matters is… I made a dress.  What’s fabulous is – it fits.  What’s even better – it meant something. We all have our personal struggles, tragedies and triumphs and two weeks ago, I decided it was time to sew again, but wanted my first project to be a reflection of something more than an itch to stitch.  My heart wanted to create something that when I put it on and zipped it up, in the mirror I’d see not just a good sewing project but be wearing a piece of my soul. Odd?  Perhaps.

How we dress, our color choices, fit preferences, even fabric types say so very much about who we are. Never, have I been one to just throw my clothes on and go.  They have to actually feel right and match my place of mind and heartbeat for the day.  Perhaps I’m a little eccentric, it’s alright.  If I’m actually coo-coo,  don’t tell me.

FullSizeRender-2Anyway, as I planned to sew I looked back over the last two, even three years of my life, how very much God has done, blessed, allowed, restored, even rooted out of my soul.  Bloggers, we’ll post all the perfect moments from our walk, the highs, the blessings, while we wait on God to pull us from the lows. We forget too, as readers, there is an entire life behind the bits and pieces we read, a complete picture.  It’s important to remember when we write, to keep it real.

FullSizeRender-3That written, I can share how sometimes we need healing and don’t even know it.  Deep-seated happiness I haven’t felt since I was a little girl has waltzed back into the farthest corners of my heart, in the last two years especially.  We serve a God who is faithful to finish what He starts and tends to even the smallest details of our circumstances.

Life happens.  The struggle is real.  But so is He…

FullSizeRender-4It was then, I thought of sunshine. Streaming in through my bedroom window at the moment, untainted and beautiful.  A slight breeze outside was waving the tree branches making dappled sunlight on my hardwood floor.  I went and stood in it, barefooted, for a few minutes until I could feel its warmth on my toes. I watched it dance around my feet and thought of how Jesus can make even the most deeply broken heart dance again. No matter how horribly the wound bleeds, He bled for the broken.  For you.  For me.

FullSizeRenderMy family, we’ve been through some things, and haven’t we all?  But I peeked in my closet and for my love of life, love of God and love of light… I hadn’t a single yellow thing hanging in my closet. It was time for all the wonder Jesus had done on the inside to make its way to the outside – in a different, more tangible sense than a happy smile, a laugh or a twinkle in my eyes.  Feeling like one of those little yellow birds who escaped a cage, I decided to sew a yellow dress.  And I did.

 

newlook-dresses-pattern-6224-envelope-frontThis pattern was great and for those curious, it can be found here.  I sewed view C, the red one.  There were a few changes I made in the construction process, like putting the zipper in before I sewed the opposite side shut.  Or, setting the sleeve in before I closed the armhole.  These are all things we can do if we’re not sewing a couture item and still get the same fit with much greater ease of assembly – and less pinning!  I chose a sheer, Dotted Swiss at the Hancock fabrics closing near my home.  In that sense it was a bitter-sweet project, to bid farewell to a sewing store I have many fond memories from. Finally, I sewed a tiny crocheted lace trim along the hemline.  My canary dress was finished.

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At any rate, this is my most favorite thing I’ve sewn to date, best fit, best fabric choice for the pattern itself.  The zipper even went in without a hitch.  {I may make one more in a fabric I’ve had for years, with these little bluebirds on it.} It’s also the truest piece of clothing I’ve ever sewn.  Peculiar?  Perhaps.

I’m okay with that…